Post by TheFirebrand on Jun 15, 2013 21:11:07 GMT -6
I've stated before that the only thing I want for Fathers Day is for my marriage to begin anew ... but honestly a show of some appreciation would be nice too. I've dealt with a lot of crap from people for being unable to find regular work, and I've sacrificed a lot of personal desires in order to take care of my daughter so my wife could handle working so much. Even on her days off I take care of our child so she can sleep.
Its destroying me inside more and more each day that I am thought of as something I am not by the person I love so deeply, and by others who want to judge themselves better than me. I've known some real dead beat dads who get more respect from people than I do.
All because I haven't been able to get hired no matter how hard I try in an economy where millions of people are not getting hired for long periods of time. I'm judged by people who have work, who have success and stability and are not really that badly impacted by the economy. Tho they may see it differently just because they have a hard time paying a bill once in a while. They see that as a struggle month after month, and yet somehow they still have their homes and their cars and their cable or satellite ... and they have each other.
Before I came here I was traveling and eventually couldn't make anymore money because of how bad things were getting. This is not my fault. My time in Oklahoma City and then in Des Moines and the trips in between was not pleasant. Neither did I come here with the intention of living under these circumstances. I do not like it one bit and it is darn impossible to make the best of it with the way things are ...
I am currently seeking work thru a job agency that did place me right away, but then that job ended for me and others in just 5 days. They have not placed me again during the last few weeks. I check in each day. There are a couple of other possibilities right now, but there are always possibilities floating around ...
My wife looked for a job a long time too. She finally found one because she knew someone who works where she is now. She caught her break and has held that job for many months now. I'm proud of her for that. I've supported her and when her hours picked up I started taking more care of our child. Eventually I started looking for work again because we are not living in our own place. We have been here far to long now.
Ironically the frustration of being unemployed is not even the most difficult thing I am going thru, but it does contribute to the problem. That being the condition of our marriage.
Many people believe you have control over your life. If that held even an ounce of truth I'd be living in the country on my own ranch of horses. I want to see how these people handle themselves when they find out differently. We live in a world where nothing happens without money anymore. If you have money, stability, regular income ... great. Anything can cause you to lose all of it in a mere moment and suddenly you will no longer have any control.
I think the only reason I have not just fallen apart and run off is because I have seen and been thru so much in my life that I come to learn how to deal with things, not necessarily accept things, as they are. I do not always respond or even react the best way, but I have grown over the years.
I've prayed and I've worked and I've fought my entire life for just a taste of stability and a real family of my own to love and provide for. I never used to care much about being accepted ... but as things are lately my perception of acceptance has changed. I never cared who liked or didn't like me either, but I learned thru the years that this can make or break you sometimes.
I have pleaded with God and I have cried to God and I have prayed desperately to God to provide me with the opportunity to improve our situation. Or even for Him to create a drastically positive change, but all the while the circumstances drag on and one thing or another happens to keep us trapped. I do believe my failure to keep up the spiritual walk in our marriage has greatly contributed to this. I do realize that I too allowed circumstances to impact how I did things.
Now I want nothing more than to be given back this responsibility, and to be given a real chance at making a life for me, my wife and daughter. I have prayed recently that the marital and financial aspects of our need to become untouchable by Satan. That if we are going to have problems we need to be in strong unity. That our income will no longer be a factor. I have asked God to protect these things from being affected by anything that may come along and attack us.
But first there needs to be a restarting point for the marriage as well as there needs to be regular employment for me. Even if that means I get work every so often in order to bring home a paycheck.
Honestly I would love to have a church of my own established and an active ministry (even a small one) to run. At least that would also give me some status of actually doing something important and accomplishing something substantial, tangible, as well as most certainly for God ...
Its destroying me inside more and more each day that I am thought of as something I am not by the person I love so deeply, and by others who want to judge themselves better than me. I've known some real dead beat dads who get more respect from people than I do.
All because I haven't been able to get hired no matter how hard I try in an economy where millions of people are not getting hired for long periods of time. I'm judged by people who have work, who have success and stability and are not really that badly impacted by the economy. Tho they may see it differently just because they have a hard time paying a bill once in a while. They see that as a struggle month after month, and yet somehow they still have their homes and their cars and their cable or satellite ... and they have each other.
Before I came here I was traveling and eventually couldn't make anymore money because of how bad things were getting. This is not my fault. My time in Oklahoma City and then in Des Moines and the trips in between was not pleasant. Neither did I come here with the intention of living under these circumstances. I do not like it one bit and it is darn impossible to make the best of it with the way things are ...
I am currently seeking work thru a job agency that did place me right away, but then that job ended for me and others in just 5 days. They have not placed me again during the last few weeks. I check in each day. There are a couple of other possibilities right now, but there are always possibilities floating around ...
My wife looked for a job a long time too. She finally found one because she knew someone who works where she is now. She caught her break and has held that job for many months now. I'm proud of her for that. I've supported her and when her hours picked up I started taking more care of our child. Eventually I started looking for work again because we are not living in our own place. We have been here far to long now.
Ironically the frustration of being unemployed is not even the most difficult thing I am going thru, but it does contribute to the problem. That being the condition of our marriage.
Many people believe you have control over your life. If that held even an ounce of truth I'd be living in the country on my own ranch of horses. I want to see how these people handle themselves when they find out differently. We live in a world where nothing happens without money anymore. If you have money, stability, regular income ... great. Anything can cause you to lose all of it in a mere moment and suddenly you will no longer have any control.
I think the only reason I have not just fallen apart and run off is because I have seen and been thru so much in my life that I come to learn how to deal with things, not necessarily accept things, as they are. I do not always respond or even react the best way, but I have grown over the years.
I've prayed and I've worked and I've fought my entire life for just a taste of stability and a real family of my own to love and provide for. I never used to care much about being accepted ... but as things are lately my perception of acceptance has changed. I never cared who liked or didn't like me either, but I learned thru the years that this can make or break you sometimes.
I have pleaded with God and I have cried to God and I have prayed desperately to God to provide me with the opportunity to improve our situation. Or even for Him to create a drastically positive change, but all the while the circumstances drag on and one thing or another happens to keep us trapped. I do believe my failure to keep up the spiritual walk in our marriage has greatly contributed to this. I do realize that I too allowed circumstances to impact how I did things.
Now I want nothing more than to be given back this responsibility, and to be given a real chance at making a life for me, my wife and daughter. I have prayed recently that the marital and financial aspects of our need to become untouchable by Satan. That if we are going to have problems we need to be in strong unity. That our income will no longer be a factor. I have asked God to protect these things from being affected by anything that may come along and attack us.
But first there needs to be a restarting point for the marriage as well as there needs to be regular employment for me. Even if that means I get work every so often in order to bring home a paycheck.
Honestly I would love to have a church of my own established and an active ministry (even a small one) to run. At least that would also give me some status of actually doing something important and accomplishing something substantial, tangible, as well as most certainly for God ...