Post by TheFirebrand on Jan 24, 2015 11:46:17 GMT -6
"I am become death, destroyer of worlds" Quoted from the Bhagavad Gita seems not be exclusive to ideals of war and mass killing. It also is quite befitting to something I have stated about myself in one of my few poems I did not lose in my travels. It says "I have destroyed lives just passing by" or something to that effect.
It simply means that a single choice made by one individual can impact the lives of everyone around that person, and those people also make decisions based on how they are impacted. And the cycle continues. One lie can turn an entire country against an enemy that did not exist before that lies was told.
In like fashion, lies took my wife and child from me, but also in like fashion my own choices played their part in the ultimate outcome. And here I sit in the dark nearly two years since the day my wife turned completely as a result of those lies and influences. I've missed my daughter's first two birthdays, my son's last ten or so. My entire world lives on without me as if I'm dead. And never would I have chosen this path.
I have seen both men and women make some extremely bad decisions and still no one turned their backs on them. I have watched as harmful, manipulative people have been favorably accepted in families and fellowships over me while I am thrown to the wolves. I have listened to sinful stories or jokes about serious issues being heard and enjoyed by many ears as my own words of passion, truth and morals are shot down by those calling themselves servants of God ...
Perhaps I cannot be a hero. Perhaps I cannot even rescue my wife and daughter from their destructive path. Which is something I fear more than anything I have ever feared in my life. I fear that even more than the fate of my own soul. I would not wish that torture on any man.
Nevertheless, it is in God's hands to lead her back, to direct her heart to find me again. For tho I came across her and pursued her heart, it was she who found me. I desperately need God to save her so she can save me ...
Years ago I stood up in church and called Jesus the air I breathe. I also called Megan my star. Then God blessed us with a daughter and she became our star. One night while I was homeless in Richmond I prayed up towards the sky and two falling stars passed over me. Megan and Cassidy are my stars, the very air I breathe as given by God for me to love and cherish.
There was never a back up plan. Being a husband and father was it. My heart lumps in my throat and I suffocate because my love for them is just strong as our first moments together. It goes so far beyond moral convictions and Biblical rhetoric. They are the greatest, most miraculous blessings God ever granted me, and I am dead to them. Without them my world is destroyed and no longer worth living in. I merely exist, more feeling like a ghost than a man ...
It simply means that a single choice made by one individual can impact the lives of everyone around that person, and those people also make decisions based on how they are impacted. And the cycle continues. One lie can turn an entire country against an enemy that did not exist before that lies was told.
In like fashion, lies took my wife and child from me, but also in like fashion my own choices played their part in the ultimate outcome. And here I sit in the dark nearly two years since the day my wife turned completely as a result of those lies and influences. I've missed my daughter's first two birthdays, my son's last ten or so. My entire world lives on without me as if I'm dead. And never would I have chosen this path.
I have seen both men and women make some extremely bad decisions and still no one turned their backs on them. I have watched as harmful, manipulative people have been favorably accepted in families and fellowships over me while I am thrown to the wolves. I have listened to sinful stories or jokes about serious issues being heard and enjoyed by many ears as my own words of passion, truth and morals are shot down by those calling themselves servants of God ...
Perhaps I cannot be a hero. Perhaps I cannot even rescue my wife and daughter from their destructive path. Which is something I fear more than anything I have ever feared in my life. I fear that even more than the fate of my own soul. I would not wish that torture on any man.
Nevertheless, it is in God's hands to lead her back, to direct her heart to find me again. For tho I came across her and pursued her heart, it was she who found me. I desperately need God to save her so she can save me ...
Years ago I stood up in church and called Jesus the air I breathe. I also called Megan my star. Then God blessed us with a daughter and she became our star. One night while I was homeless in Richmond I prayed up towards the sky and two falling stars passed over me. Megan and Cassidy are my stars, the very air I breathe as given by God for me to love and cherish.
There was never a back up plan. Being a husband and father was it. My heart lumps in my throat and I suffocate because my love for them is just strong as our first moments together. It goes so far beyond moral convictions and Biblical rhetoric. They are the greatest, most miraculous blessings God ever granted me, and I am dead to them. Without them my world is destroyed and no longer worth living in. I merely exist, more feeling like a ghost than a man ...