Post by TheFirebrand on May 16, 2014 5:15:23 GMT -6
God's time is not my time. That's exactly my point. I'm not getting any younger. I have already missed out on too much in my life. My daughter is growing up without her father, my son already has. This world is going to crap. Time is not a commodity for me. I won't live for an eternity or have multiple chances to get things right. When i say I need something now its not because I'm seeking the usual selfish and greedy gains. I am losing out on living because God won't stop the madness and allow me to walk thru a door that will lead to my family, some stability and just the basic comforts of living.
People seem to think I choose to stay like this when obviously I don't, but I am learning why many people give up trying and this becomes their life. They flaunt it, advertise it and make it a lifestyle and live off the kindness of naive strangers. Many of whom get a check every month or may even have a job only to go drinking or something else that's just wasting them away. A lot of times because they have lost all hope. Tho, most of them see opportunity and escape from responsibility when so many "charity" organizations enable them and encourage them to simply stay on the streets. Giving out blankets and providing food does nothing to help anyone. It makes them dependent and allows them to exist in a way that only puts shame over their heads.Most big city shelters are set up just like concentration camps, but with free entertainment and free meals ... for now.
Trust me. The very few individuals who come along that actually need genuine help find their way out of the situation as fast as they can because they do not want to be trapped in this lifestyle. Its been 11 months to the day since the corruption of my wife's mind put me out here. I have never stopped trying and some people have attempted to get me hired, but I've been profiled, stereotyped and rejected repeatedly.
I don't look like, act like or advertise that I am homeless to people who see me. I don't even bother sitting with a "Need Work" sign because nobody ever gives you a job, its easier for people to just hand you money, and that is not what I want or need ...
I'm exhausted, burned out and every minute I am tormented with visions of my wife and daughter living either a life with me or living in a lie without me ... I need redemption, salvation ... I need to catch a break.
Neither prayers nor efforts have changed anything. Yet for some reason I keep going back to God when I no longer feel I have any faith. The relationship I once believed in was under a lot of false pretenses and utter lack of truth or reality. Then I woke up and moved too quickly to try and wake others. Now I no longer have any idea what to believe ...
This business of questioning everything has left me alone, scared and bitter. I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm tied of being disturbed by it all ...
People seem to think I choose to stay like this when obviously I don't, but I am learning why many people give up trying and this becomes their life. They flaunt it, advertise it and make it a lifestyle and live off the kindness of naive strangers. Many of whom get a check every month or may even have a job only to go drinking or something else that's just wasting them away. A lot of times because they have lost all hope. Tho, most of them see opportunity and escape from responsibility when so many "charity" organizations enable them and encourage them to simply stay on the streets. Giving out blankets and providing food does nothing to help anyone. It makes them dependent and allows them to exist in a way that only puts shame over their heads.Most big city shelters are set up just like concentration camps, but with free entertainment and free meals ... for now.
Trust me. The very few individuals who come along that actually need genuine help find their way out of the situation as fast as they can because they do not want to be trapped in this lifestyle. Its been 11 months to the day since the corruption of my wife's mind put me out here. I have never stopped trying and some people have attempted to get me hired, but I've been profiled, stereotyped and rejected repeatedly.
I don't look like, act like or advertise that I am homeless to people who see me. I don't even bother sitting with a "Need Work" sign because nobody ever gives you a job, its easier for people to just hand you money, and that is not what I want or need ...
I'm exhausted, burned out and every minute I am tormented with visions of my wife and daughter living either a life with me or living in a lie without me ... I need redemption, salvation ... I need to catch a break.
Neither prayers nor efforts have changed anything. Yet for some reason I keep going back to God when I no longer feel I have any faith. The relationship I once believed in was under a lot of false pretenses and utter lack of truth or reality. Then I woke up and moved too quickly to try and wake others. Now I no longer have any idea what to believe ...
This business of questioning everything has left me alone, scared and bitter. I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm tied of being disturbed by it all ...