Post by TheFirebrand on Nov 16, 2013 11:00:26 GMT -6
The thing people are not understanding is that I cannot even fathom a life without my wife and daughter. Even if I find a job here in Portland, the time I have that job keeps me away from them even longer.
I haven't seen my daughter since July. Since my wife went from bad to worse. I missed her firat birthday, my wife's birthday and our 2nd anniversary. I am certainly not interested in spending Thanksgiving or any holiday without them or with complete strangers. I've spent too many with complete strangers or completely alone. I'd rather be alone if I wont be with my wife and child. I don't expect anyone can understand that ...
This is about so much more than being trapped in misery. My very convictions are as much for personal reasons as they are Biblical. I don't see myself as any kind of prophet or strong spiritual warrior as I once may have. All I am is a man without a home, without his family, and desperately missing his wife and his daughter ...
I can no more accept a life without them than I could accept government control. And that's saying a lot for me.
I know this to be the work of Satan and his deceptions. Tho my frustrations are admittedly at God for allowing it go this far. I spend night after night in torment and tears. I carry much regret and remorse for the things that I am guilty of. I feel the pain as a husband who was too weak and failed to protect his family from intruders. I'm torn in too many directions at once. All of which can be turned around by one miraculous touch of conviction on my wife's heart ...
People have a misconception of "moving on." Megan gave up and ran. She jumped off the marriage train and headed down a stray, wide path. She did not move on, she ran away. There is a difference. Believe me, I know ...
There is no moving on or forward or running away for me this time. I will not abandon them. I will not give Satan the defeat once again of robbing me of being a true father. I will not sit back and accept my daughter's innocence to be at risk as she raised in a broken house ...
I have no strength or will to be at peace with this.
God must move on this before too much time passes. I have felt my daughter's memories of me dying and therefore I have felt myself dying internally, day by day. Cassidy is the last person I knew any real love from. She was the last of my purpose and meaning to live. She was the last of my identity. And that came from the marriage covenant, her parents love for each other. Megan was and still the girl of my prayers ...
Now its all ruin and I am nothing.
I haven't seen my daughter since July. Since my wife went from bad to worse. I missed her firat birthday, my wife's birthday and our 2nd anniversary. I am certainly not interested in spending Thanksgiving or any holiday without them or with complete strangers. I've spent too many with complete strangers or completely alone. I'd rather be alone if I wont be with my wife and child. I don't expect anyone can understand that ...
This is about so much more than being trapped in misery. My very convictions are as much for personal reasons as they are Biblical. I don't see myself as any kind of prophet or strong spiritual warrior as I once may have. All I am is a man without a home, without his family, and desperately missing his wife and his daughter ...
I can no more accept a life without them than I could accept government control. And that's saying a lot for me.
I know this to be the work of Satan and his deceptions. Tho my frustrations are admittedly at God for allowing it go this far. I spend night after night in torment and tears. I carry much regret and remorse for the things that I am guilty of. I feel the pain as a husband who was too weak and failed to protect his family from intruders. I'm torn in too many directions at once. All of which can be turned around by one miraculous touch of conviction on my wife's heart ...
People have a misconception of "moving on." Megan gave up and ran. She jumped off the marriage train and headed down a stray, wide path. She did not move on, she ran away. There is a difference. Believe me, I know ...
There is no moving on or forward or running away for me this time. I will not abandon them. I will not give Satan the defeat once again of robbing me of being a true father. I will not sit back and accept my daughter's innocence to be at risk as she raised in a broken house ...
I have no strength or will to be at peace with this.
God must move on this before too much time passes. I have felt my daughter's memories of me dying and therefore I have felt myself dying internally, day by day. Cassidy is the last person I knew any real love from. She was the last of my purpose and meaning to live. She was the last of my identity. And that came from the marriage covenant, her parents love for each other. Megan was and still the girl of my prayers ...
Now its all ruin and I am nothing.