Post by TheFirebrand on Nov 19, 2012 7:51:43 GMT -6
i am alone. I am in secret. I am safe. Or am I?
I love God and share His truth via this device, but in life away from this keyboard I have no secret place, no prayer closet, no friends of like mindness. My relationship with God cannot be expressed to just anyone. Not even my own wife.
There are truths of which I am aware that I cannot simply hold my tongue about, yet there are no ears to hear, no eyes to see nor minds to be enlightened.
My fire has not been extinguished but it has been suppressed, controlled, kept from spreading. It burns in the fireplace of an empty cabin with no one to watch, to hear it's crackling, to know it's warmth. Never watered down, but not allowed the freedom to burn beyond the confines of the dark little room where no one enters.
Is it secret, is it safe? Sure, but it is not also in pain? The pain of knowing so many pass it by without ever realizing the lies that keep their attention elsewhere.
If only I could cry out without being silenced. If only I could speak up without being rejected or ridiculed. I cry mercy from this world Lord. For I feel too anguished, too heavily burdened. Sure you came in the flesh and suffered far worse, but I am not You. Nor do I live in a time where the freedom to roam and witness is an option.
My persecution has always been to be held back, to be bullied, lied about, to be accused of all the things I hate. Even to become suddenly unemployed every time my morals come into question ...
I know not what my future on this earth holds. I only know this moment to be quite grim. I'm 35 years of age, I'm married. I have a daughter, as well as a son from an old relationship. A son whom I do not know. I have made many bad decisions in my time and taken many terrible roads during my travels. I know much of it has caught up to me, and my sleep is ever haunted. Therefore I know my damnation and my afflictions ...
But what is my salvation? What is the destiny of my soul? What is my worth in heaven that I cannot be bought by Hell? Is it secret? Is it safe?
I love God and share His truth via this device, but in life away from this keyboard I have no secret place, no prayer closet, no friends of like mindness. My relationship with God cannot be expressed to just anyone. Not even my own wife.
There are truths of which I am aware that I cannot simply hold my tongue about, yet there are no ears to hear, no eyes to see nor minds to be enlightened.
My fire has not been extinguished but it has been suppressed, controlled, kept from spreading. It burns in the fireplace of an empty cabin with no one to watch, to hear it's crackling, to know it's warmth. Never watered down, but not allowed the freedom to burn beyond the confines of the dark little room where no one enters.
Is it secret, is it safe? Sure, but it is not also in pain? The pain of knowing so many pass it by without ever realizing the lies that keep their attention elsewhere.
If only I could cry out without being silenced. If only I could speak up without being rejected or ridiculed. I cry mercy from this world Lord. For I feel too anguished, too heavily burdened. Sure you came in the flesh and suffered far worse, but I am not You. Nor do I live in a time where the freedom to roam and witness is an option.
My persecution has always been to be held back, to be bullied, lied about, to be accused of all the things I hate. Even to become suddenly unemployed every time my morals come into question ...
I know not what my future on this earth holds. I only know this moment to be quite grim. I'm 35 years of age, I'm married. I have a daughter, as well as a son from an old relationship. A son whom I do not know. I have made many bad decisions in my time and taken many terrible roads during my travels. I know much of it has caught up to me, and my sleep is ever haunted. Therefore I know my damnation and my afflictions ...
But what is my salvation? What is the destiny of my soul? What is my worth in heaven that I cannot be bought by Hell? Is it secret? Is it safe?