Post by TheFirebrand on Jan 23, 2015 20:54:47 GMT -6
One tough thing about being me is that Ive never held any status in society. People don't talk to me the way they normally would to a preacher or someone in some kind of respectable position. They still use profanity and act as if I'm just another person on the street. Even if I'm dressed up nice and carry myself in a more upstanding fashion.
Living in environments where I can't relax and existing in atmospheres that are not really fit for a would be man of God doesn't help matters. I'm just as influenced and corrupted by those environments as others would be. Especially after so long.
I've been so badly jaded and rejected over the years and my head is always so crammed up with things, worst of all with painful memories, its caused me to lose my ability to clearly speak directly from the Bible.
I've become pretty good at sharing knowledgeable, long winded messages on line, but in conversations with others I often lose my thinking and terminology eludes me. I'm put on the spot and caught off guard too easily.
I'm especially no good at randomly stopping people and trying to share The Word with them. Perhaps it might be better if I had my own material readily available. Its a goal of mine.
There have been many evangelists who have had their travels paid for and visits accommodated. I was always held back from that path when I was younger. My adult life that followed has been harsh, cruel and often my own choices made it worse ...
When I got married, my lifelong ambition beside ministry, I felt as though I had finally arrived. That my beginning for a proper life and at least some success was being granted me. A lot of people are claiming God will lead my wife and daughter to me here in Florida on His time ...
My faith is rocky, I lack confidence. I certainly lack the fellowship of the kinds of men I need to be around. There was a time when I was addicted to prayer, being at church and spending time with other Christians. I was one of the first to volunteer for various projects whether on the church or in someone's home. Even though I had a hard time finding a regular job, nobody can deny that I was ever ready to work. Things are different now.
The people I miss were not Christians. Sure, some had a true heart for God, but none of them were in the truth nor sought the truth. I was affiliated with Pastors, youth groups, various functions. None of them follow my pages on here any more. So!e were even involved in influencing my wife against me. Until recently I never knew one person from any of my topics. And to this day I still cannot get those I do meet to follow my work ...
The two things I desire most are the very things I've had to live without. To have a ministry, and with my own family beside me. Now I've been alone and drifting too long. I've lived without knowing my son. My wife and daughter live a lie.
Jobs life and family was restored. Jabez was granted success and stability. Nehemiah accomplished his mission. Elijah had great power. I am not these men, nor do I live in a time when traveling freely and being self sufficient is as easily an option. But this has no sway against Gods ability to change my course towards more fortunate circumstances ...
I have no means for ending this message. My heart and mind stay on these things constantly. I'm a couple years away from 40 and no matter how I impress or inspire anyone who reads my material on any subject, my own life as it is currently seems to serve no tangible, visible purpose ...
Living in environments where I can't relax and existing in atmospheres that are not really fit for a would be man of God doesn't help matters. I'm just as influenced and corrupted by those environments as others would be. Especially after so long.
I've been so badly jaded and rejected over the years and my head is always so crammed up with things, worst of all with painful memories, its caused me to lose my ability to clearly speak directly from the Bible.
I've become pretty good at sharing knowledgeable, long winded messages on line, but in conversations with others I often lose my thinking and terminology eludes me. I'm put on the spot and caught off guard too easily.
I'm especially no good at randomly stopping people and trying to share The Word with them. Perhaps it might be better if I had my own material readily available. Its a goal of mine.
There have been many evangelists who have had their travels paid for and visits accommodated. I was always held back from that path when I was younger. My adult life that followed has been harsh, cruel and often my own choices made it worse ...
When I got married, my lifelong ambition beside ministry, I felt as though I had finally arrived. That my beginning for a proper life and at least some success was being granted me. A lot of people are claiming God will lead my wife and daughter to me here in Florida on His time ...
My faith is rocky, I lack confidence. I certainly lack the fellowship of the kinds of men I need to be around. There was a time when I was addicted to prayer, being at church and spending time with other Christians. I was one of the first to volunteer for various projects whether on the church or in someone's home. Even though I had a hard time finding a regular job, nobody can deny that I was ever ready to work. Things are different now.
The people I miss were not Christians. Sure, some had a true heart for God, but none of them were in the truth nor sought the truth. I was affiliated with Pastors, youth groups, various functions. None of them follow my pages on here any more. So!e were even involved in influencing my wife against me. Until recently I never knew one person from any of my topics. And to this day I still cannot get those I do meet to follow my work ...
The two things I desire most are the very things I've had to live without. To have a ministry, and with my own family beside me. Now I've been alone and drifting too long. I've lived without knowing my son. My wife and daughter live a lie.
Jobs life and family was restored. Jabez was granted success and stability. Nehemiah accomplished his mission. Elijah had great power. I am not these men, nor do I live in a time when traveling freely and being self sufficient is as easily an option. But this has no sway against Gods ability to change my course towards more fortunate circumstances ...
I have no means for ending this message. My heart and mind stay on these things constantly. I'm a couple years away from 40 and no matter how I impress or inspire anyone who reads my material on any subject, my own life as it is currently seems to serve no tangible, visible purpose ...