Post by TheFirebrand on May 26, 2014 11:51:00 GMT -6
I miss the days of old when there were fire hall dances, church picnics, softball and volleyball games ...
There has almost always been somewhere for me to be or people to be with on these so called patriotic holidays. I remember when got into my 20's that the family gatherings were becoming scarce and less populated because everyone was moving, working and dying. When grandma died the gatherings seemed just stop completely. As if it always revolved around her. Over the years local field days were no longer anything special in the community. People were less and less committed to being actively involved. It was as if my high school generation was the last dying breed before mobile technology took over and everyone turned into social network friends and gatherings for picnics, field days, all just died out.
Of course this has not held true for everyone. I'm surrounded by such activities every day. Not everyone has been lured into a trance and locked themselves away in a cave full of video games and television. However, my adult life gradually lead me away from my own family. The lot of them turned their backs on me and finally showed how little they ever cared for me. All because I was never like then.
Throughout the last 15 years I have been involved with many families, churches and unfortunately, way too many relationships all around the country. Each family and church also turned a blind eye to my humanity and I was simply cast out by the sheep and thrown to the wolves. This is not the first time I've been homeless on account of the traitorous actions of others, but it is the first I've not been able to save myself from it. Which technically I didn't save myself the other times. I always found help as well as work. I've had the occasional assistance and a few temp jobs this time, but no real stability or secure place to sleep. Losing my scooter didn't help things either.
So now its been 11 months and 10 days since my own wife abandoned me and took my daughter.
Now here in Spring I've tried with the staffing agencies again and its less than a month away until the fair starts. I may be stuck with no options but to travel with them and after its over, head South. Which exactly what I don't want to do. I would be abandoning my own faith that God will break through to my wife and lift this curse. I believe she is stubbornly (or blindly) resisting His attempts at turning her heart and awakening her mind.
Not having the freedom to live, or even just survive as a man should because I can't buy my freedoms from this tyrannical system run by colored pieces of paper or fake numbers on a computer screen. I have to sleep in secret spots instead of freely camping somewhere in God's land without worrying about being harassed. I can't fish or hunt the way men did for thousands of years without anyone telling them they couldn't ....
Certainly I could travel for free if I walk or ride a bike, but still requires money or I'd starve. So nothing is really gained by going with nothing. People aren't compassionate anymore. They've allowed tv and movies to scare them away from helping strangers and too many freeloading bums out there make it even worse.
I can't find work of any kind to literally save my life. Id be lucky to leave the fair with 2500 dollars at the end of the season. That's hardly enough to get myself into a position where I can start to live off the land.
I'm rambling here but the reality that if there is a miracle in this whole mess for me, it wont come soon enough. Half my life is gone and wasted. Its so desperate for me I've actually prayed for the apocalypse just so I wont be out here alone anymore ..
Tho, I would prefer a chance at a real life as a husband and father. Spending days like today with people regardless of our differences and still preparing on the side for those coming days ...
If a man's worth is no longer based on his commitment to his family or contribution to his community, if he is only valued by the size of his bank account ... then I am become worthless.
There has almost always been somewhere for me to be or people to be with on these so called patriotic holidays. I remember when got into my 20's that the family gatherings were becoming scarce and less populated because everyone was moving, working and dying. When grandma died the gatherings seemed just stop completely. As if it always revolved around her. Over the years local field days were no longer anything special in the community. People were less and less committed to being actively involved. It was as if my high school generation was the last dying breed before mobile technology took over and everyone turned into social network friends and gatherings for picnics, field days, all just died out.
Of course this has not held true for everyone. I'm surrounded by such activities every day. Not everyone has been lured into a trance and locked themselves away in a cave full of video games and television. However, my adult life gradually lead me away from my own family. The lot of them turned their backs on me and finally showed how little they ever cared for me. All because I was never like then.
Throughout the last 15 years I have been involved with many families, churches and unfortunately, way too many relationships all around the country. Each family and church also turned a blind eye to my humanity and I was simply cast out by the sheep and thrown to the wolves. This is not the first time I've been homeless on account of the traitorous actions of others, but it is the first I've not been able to save myself from it. Which technically I didn't save myself the other times. I always found help as well as work. I've had the occasional assistance and a few temp jobs this time, but no real stability or secure place to sleep. Losing my scooter didn't help things either.
So now its been 11 months and 10 days since my own wife abandoned me and took my daughter.
Now here in Spring I've tried with the staffing agencies again and its less than a month away until the fair starts. I may be stuck with no options but to travel with them and after its over, head South. Which exactly what I don't want to do. I would be abandoning my own faith that God will break through to my wife and lift this curse. I believe she is stubbornly (or blindly) resisting His attempts at turning her heart and awakening her mind.
Not having the freedom to live, or even just survive as a man should because I can't buy my freedoms from this tyrannical system run by colored pieces of paper or fake numbers on a computer screen. I have to sleep in secret spots instead of freely camping somewhere in God's land without worrying about being harassed. I can't fish or hunt the way men did for thousands of years without anyone telling them they couldn't ....
Certainly I could travel for free if I walk or ride a bike, but still requires money or I'd starve. So nothing is really gained by going with nothing. People aren't compassionate anymore. They've allowed tv and movies to scare them away from helping strangers and too many freeloading bums out there make it even worse.
I can't find work of any kind to literally save my life. Id be lucky to leave the fair with 2500 dollars at the end of the season. That's hardly enough to get myself into a position where I can start to live off the land.
I'm rambling here but the reality that if there is a miracle in this whole mess for me, it wont come soon enough. Half my life is gone and wasted. Its so desperate for me I've actually prayed for the apocalypse just so I wont be out here alone anymore ..
Tho, I would prefer a chance at a real life as a husband and father. Spending days like today with people regardless of our differences and still preparing on the side for those coming days ...
If a man's worth is no longer based on his commitment to his family or contribution to his community, if he is only valued by the size of his bank account ... then I am become worthless.