Post by TheFirebrand on Nov 20, 2013 8:53:58 GMT -6
What I'm going thru right now is a matter of more than just emotional torment over missing my girls and the causes of that situation.
I'm still grasping that I was close to being killed just over a week ago. If I wasn't wearing my helmet the outcome would have been very different. Of course if I had landed any differently things might be a lot worse as well.
I've been close to death several times over the years and in some incidents I remember God intervening somehow. I believe an Angel in fact guided my body as I was catapulted over that pile to make sure my helmet took the blunt of the impact. I recall feeling as tho I was being carried. I recollected this even before the ambulance arrived. I was in such shock I really didn't say very much about what happened beyond telling the police I flew over the pile ...
The part I've been contemplating thru my head this past week is why? Why am I always kept alive? This wasn't the first time my life was at risk. Tho it may qualify as one of the worst.
Why am I always kept alive only to suffer thru more hardships? Why save my life this time only to remain apart from my wife and daughter? Why is Satan trying kill me? Or why is he always allowed to hurt me in the harshest ways possible? Why did I have to fail in protecting my marriage?
After so many years of wanting and waiting and praying and toiling thru one nightmarish circumstance after another I finally meet the one to be my wife only for it to come to this.
Again, why am I still alive? If for no other reason than to be a living testimony, if for no other reason than to be an example of God's power and grace ... if these are the reasons, then redeeming our marriage would be the logical addition to such a victory. Not only for personal gain, but for spiritual, for God's Kingdom ...
I've even prayed to Jesus and said that if for no other reason, so it for our daughter. Restore thia marriage for her sake so she can be raised by her natural parents, together in a Biblical marriage.
God knows how to change hearts, even minds. He knows what it would take. He knew tossing Jonah into the belly of a whale would change him. He's allowed things to happen to many people in the Bible in order for them to make a complete turn around. He's done so for me several times. So I know its Biblical to pray for conviction on someone else's heart. To pray for an awakening of their mind ...
So I ask one more time, why am I kept alive if not for these reasons? If this is not my purpose? To be a light in the dark ... ?
Who am I?
I'm still grasping that I was close to being killed just over a week ago. If I wasn't wearing my helmet the outcome would have been very different. Of course if I had landed any differently things might be a lot worse as well.
I've been close to death several times over the years and in some incidents I remember God intervening somehow. I believe an Angel in fact guided my body as I was catapulted over that pile to make sure my helmet took the blunt of the impact. I recall feeling as tho I was being carried. I recollected this even before the ambulance arrived. I was in such shock I really didn't say very much about what happened beyond telling the police I flew over the pile ...
The part I've been contemplating thru my head this past week is why? Why am I always kept alive? This wasn't the first time my life was at risk. Tho it may qualify as one of the worst.
Why am I always kept alive only to suffer thru more hardships? Why save my life this time only to remain apart from my wife and daughter? Why is Satan trying kill me? Or why is he always allowed to hurt me in the harshest ways possible? Why did I have to fail in protecting my marriage?
After so many years of wanting and waiting and praying and toiling thru one nightmarish circumstance after another I finally meet the one to be my wife only for it to come to this.
Again, why am I still alive? If for no other reason than to be a living testimony, if for no other reason than to be an example of God's power and grace ... if these are the reasons, then redeeming our marriage would be the logical addition to such a victory. Not only for personal gain, but for spiritual, for God's Kingdom ...
I've even prayed to Jesus and said that if for no other reason, so it for our daughter. Restore thia marriage for her sake so she can be raised by her natural parents, together in a Biblical marriage.
God knows how to change hearts, even minds. He knows what it would take. He knew tossing Jonah into the belly of a whale would change him. He's allowed things to happen to many people in the Bible in order for them to make a complete turn around. He's done so for me several times. So I know its Biblical to pray for conviction on someone else's heart. To pray for an awakening of their mind ...
So I ask one more time, why am I kept alive if not for these reasons? If this is not my purpose? To be a light in the dark ... ?
Who am I?