Post by TheFirebrand on Jun 27, 2013 20:05:43 GMT -6
I am not without blemish or guilt. I certainly know the wrongs I've committed. Neither of us are innocent. My lesson in this has been learned, and I know there will be more lessons and more mistakes. Neither of us can escape this truth. But the most dangerous mistake is walking away from something given to us by God. It is our appointed task to preserve this covenant even and especially during times when mutual love seems to not exist. If one or both will not stand fast against the enemy that would destroy God's work, then it only helps the enemy to keep a foothold in their lives.
Self serving choices that hurt, even destroy others are usually not made simply because a loving person suddenly turns cold on their own. There is always an outside influence leading one's mind into spiritual chaos. Even I still battle this after over 20 years as an apostolic. I am still made confused and angry by things when my guard is down, when my thoughts are flustered. I have better control now, but I still lack the peace I need to keep from responding too quickly sometimes. I may only respond with words and loud voice, but someone like my wife has never deserved that. It may not have been very often, but even once can be too much for someone so timid ...
Now, I know that I can keep myself in check. If this phase of bitterness my wife is going thru has taught me anything, its how to be calm and sometimes even silent. Learning patience is relative for me. I still need employment and we still need elsewhere to live. So the frustration of it all has me at a loss because there is so little I can do without some financial breathing room.
This isn't just one problem or two, this is a whole mess of problems. I'm powerless against it. Money can obviously change a lot, but even that means very little by itself. There is certainly a desperate need for stability and independence. Most importantly tho, there is our marriage and God's covenant that must be restored, that must begin to mend. Else none of the other things will have any real meaning or reason ...
Self serving choices that hurt, even destroy others are usually not made simply because a loving person suddenly turns cold on their own. There is always an outside influence leading one's mind into spiritual chaos. Even I still battle this after over 20 years as an apostolic. I am still made confused and angry by things when my guard is down, when my thoughts are flustered. I have better control now, but I still lack the peace I need to keep from responding too quickly sometimes. I may only respond with words and loud voice, but someone like my wife has never deserved that. It may not have been very often, but even once can be too much for someone so timid ...
Now, I know that I can keep myself in check. If this phase of bitterness my wife is going thru has taught me anything, its how to be calm and sometimes even silent. Learning patience is relative for me. I still need employment and we still need elsewhere to live. So the frustration of it all has me at a loss because there is so little I can do without some financial breathing room.
This isn't just one problem or two, this is a whole mess of problems. I'm powerless against it. Money can obviously change a lot, but even that means very little by itself. There is certainly a desperate need for stability and independence. Most importantly tho, there is our marriage and God's covenant that must be restored, that must begin to mend. Else none of the other things will have any real meaning or reason ...