Post by TheFirebrand on May 31, 2013 7:56:03 GMT -6
Anger has at times been the result of my passion over matters, but if you knew me when I was younger and seen how much I've grown, it would almost be shocking to see me get angry now. Its not often I really raise my voice in anger. Usually I'm just caught off guard, or hurt by something. And I'm always embarrassed and ashamed afterwards. Even if my reasons for becoming angry are justified I am still disappointed in myself for how I acted or for the things I said. In my marriage, if you added up the times I raised my voice and carried on in anger, then added up all the times when love was all we knew ... those moments are countless. I can recall on less than 2 hands how many times I spoke angrily at my wife during the past couple years. I understand that even one time can impact someone greatly for a long time, but there are always two people involved in a marriage and anger is not the only damaging catalyst. The lack of communication from one side of our marriage, I think, has been the number one problem. In fact most of the times I became angry was a direct result of this. I'm not saying that makes it ok, I'm just saying that it takes two. It takes two people to make a marriage what it should be. Sometimes it only takes one to tear it all down, but it always requires both spouses to keep the happiness and passion alive. I know I never stopped being loving. I learned over time to be more accepting and forgiving. I apologize even when I don't believe I'm wrong. The lack of communication from where I stand is on her, but the break down of spiritual time together and a partnership in God has been mostly my own fault. I allowed our living circumstances to get in the way of this. Perhaps then, this was the biggest problem ... but again, it will take two, to restore these things.
This whole ordeal has take an emotional toll on me. I get nervous just trying to talk to my wife about anything now because I know she is just ignoring me.
Every night I dream of being with her only to awaken and discover she is in the other room and each day things are still the same, if not worse.
Taking care of my daughter has become more burdensome now because I get no time to do much else. She is not sleeping regularly lately. I honestly believe from what I have seen recently that this division in the marriage is impacting some of our daughter's behavior.
I know some people don't completely understand whats happening because I do not sit up on the internet talking about my wife, or at least I don't talk bad about her. I am trying to leave all of this in God's hands as it runs it's course. This is a huge challenge for me. Each day I grow more frustrated inside and I have no outlet structure. Even when i talk to God my daughter is right there with me.
Waiting for more work from the job agency is an added problem as well. My wife has a job right now and all she does is work and sleep or does her own thing. There is no family time right now.
It's all become so overwhelming for me. Its painfully difficult to keep my hands off my wife. She avoids me like I'm the most disgusting thing she has ever seen. I've been bitter and I've seen bitterness, but the pain this is causing me is too much. I love my wife more dearly than I have been able to express of late. I'm angry because of what this spiritual attack is doing to her and I cannot stop it.
A man is supposed to protect his wife, his family ... and I failed in the spiritual aspect. I don't know if I have enough strength to keep fighting this, but at the same time, its all I have to fight for ...
This whole ordeal has take an emotional toll on me. I get nervous just trying to talk to my wife about anything now because I know she is just ignoring me.
Every night I dream of being with her only to awaken and discover she is in the other room and each day things are still the same, if not worse.
Taking care of my daughter has become more burdensome now because I get no time to do much else. She is not sleeping regularly lately. I honestly believe from what I have seen recently that this division in the marriage is impacting some of our daughter's behavior.
I know some people don't completely understand whats happening because I do not sit up on the internet talking about my wife, or at least I don't talk bad about her. I am trying to leave all of this in God's hands as it runs it's course. This is a huge challenge for me. Each day I grow more frustrated inside and I have no outlet structure. Even when i talk to God my daughter is right there with me.
Waiting for more work from the job agency is an added problem as well. My wife has a job right now and all she does is work and sleep or does her own thing. There is no family time right now.
It's all become so overwhelming for me. Its painfully difficult to keep my hands off my wife. She avoids me like I'm the most disgusting thing she has ever seen. I've been bitter and I've seen bitterness, but the pain this is causing me is too much. I love my wife more dearly than I have been able to express of late. I'm angry because of what this spiritual attack is doing to her and I cannot stop it.
A man is supposed to protect his wife, his family ... and I failed in the spiritual aspect. I don't know if I have enough strength to keep fighting this, but at the same time, its all I have to fight for ...
